the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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