Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Let's paint friendship bongs
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
