I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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