ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
