If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize