There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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