Whod you bang
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
