Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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