Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
