I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
