I hope mine doesn't look like that
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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