Your mouth is God's brothel.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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