if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
