I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
