My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
