You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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