it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize