She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize