I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Gay?
German.
Pity.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
