his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
