I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
