Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
