Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
