i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
These tits shall not be calmed
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
