You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
