The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
