if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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