i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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