The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
