i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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