she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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