It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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