She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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