If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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