She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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