Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize