That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
