Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize