YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
