i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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