Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
