No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
