Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
only if we run a train.
done.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
