When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
