Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
