My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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