she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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