He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
