you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
