and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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