im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
