Are we in a gay sports bar?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
