if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
