I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so that wasnt chicken after all
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
