I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
