Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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