It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
