Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
