I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
