She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
