I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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