I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
