I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
