im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
