his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
