Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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