my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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