i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You're like the curious george of whores
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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