Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
