you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
