She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
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He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
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You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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