Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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