It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
