when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
