you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
