I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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