I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
