Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
