oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
