He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
